Intoxicating, Toxic Men
Andrew Tate, Dark Romance, and Real-Life Consequences
Andrew Tate. You know who he is. You’ve been hearing about him nonstop for a while now, especially since last week when he and his brother Tristan were arrested again for charges relating to human trafficking, this time with girls who were underage.
But if you’re not terminally online, you might be confused about why you are constantly hearing about him.
Why is EVERYONE obsessed with this guy? Everyone? Dudes want to be him, especially the younger ones. Women want him with a ferocity usually reserved for professional athletes and A-list movie stars.
But why? Especially when you consider that his brother is objectively better looking by every metric. Just as rich too. But it doesn’t matter. It’s Andrew we’re obsessed with.
There are people out there who just have “it.” They can draw you in, make you want their attention and affection, to the point that you’d sacrifice your own wellbeing to get it.
By all accounts, Andrew is one of them. Longtime, experienced podcasters (straight males) have often remarked that he has a presence, that he fills the room.
With the new batch of charges and the years-old but still damning videos circulating social media, you’d think the clamor for him would cool off. But it hasn’t. If anything, it’s stronger than ever.
I can think of no better real-world phenomenon to point to when it comes to explaining the popularity of dark romance to people (men, specifically).
“I don’t get it. This is abuse. The guys in these books are HORRIBLE. Why are women obsessing over these books? Especially the feminist ones?”
Let me tell you.
Female Status
Sorry, Redpill bros, I need to debunk something real quick. It’s not attention that the female craves. Well, not JUST attention. It’s status.
Status for a woman comes from being chosen over all the others. Specifically chosen by a man who COULD have others. Many others. But he chose HER.
It’s that status that is the aphrodisiac in these books, fellas. And it only comes from being chosen by a man with endless choices. Even if he’s a bastard.
Fifty Shades of Grey doesn’t cut it as an example, I’m afraid. We’re going straight to the good stuff: The 365 series by Blanka Lipinska. In the first book, Laura goes on vacation in Sicily and is kidnapped by the smokin hot Massimo, who is in a powerful crime family. He basically says he’s keeping her for a year and if, at the end of that year, she hasn’t fallen in love with him, she can go. Ah, romance.
If you want to get a thorough, and humorous, rundown of the whole series, check out Amanda the Jedi’s videos detailing the whole sloppy mess.
Basically Massimo is a cartoon-villain version of Tate. He is overtly sexual. Good looking, yes, but makes a point to be shirtless, behaving in a sensual manner, flexing wealth indictors, flexing access to females. ALL the females, specifically the ones that all the other men covet and can’t have.
He’s powerful/aggressive and makes sure everyone knows it, male and female alike. This is where we get into the sticky part. Lack of agreeableness, physical strength, confidence and surety are all universally appealing. But turn those up to 11 and you get a criminal.
These dominance indicators are exactly why Laura chooses to stay with him at the end of the book (and the Netflix adaptation). But there’s also something else.
She gets status from this powerful man desiring her. A status she didn’t previously have.
In the books, like most romance novels, Laura is described as pretty, but not breathtakingly so. Yet somehow she has a dangerous man deeply invested in her. It’s sick, but the appeal is there and it’s undeniably reflected in real life.
That’s why the “Touch her and you die” trope is so popular. The status of a man being willing to violence on your behalf—You are powerful because HIS power is at your disposal.
He protects you from others. But who protects you from him?
No one.
But if you’re a good girl, then it’s a moot point, right?
Male Status from Females
Many other commenters have noted that the hot male protagonists get away with this grotesque behavior because they ARE hot.
If they were ugly and/or poor then they’d be on an episode of Dateline, not in a romance book.
Look at a street pimp and you’re hard pressed to find anyone who likes them. Our lip curls just looking at a mugshot of such a gross creature. These degenerate thugs with delusions of grandeur abuse girls who are from equally unfortunate circumstances. No one thinks they’re cool. No one subscribes to their newsletter. Definitely girls don’t send them love letters in prison.
Men get their status from women. Yeah, I said it.
Why is it a bad thing when you go to a night club or party and it’s all dudes? Why is being known as a sausage fest the kiss of death for a venue?
Because being able to acquire attractive, quality women, preferably more than one, equals male status. Tate’s girls, whatever else you want to say about them, are gorgeous. And by all accounts, they seem to be emotionally bound to him, even after they have gone on to other things. They write letters to the authorities defending him. They continue to text him long after they have been dismissed from the harem.
These are the girls that most men would wife up in a second.
But you can’t. Because they won’t have you. They are beautiful, quality girls, and they want HIM.
The girls the street pimp traffics in wouldn’t be welcome at a country club, at a restaurant in a nice part of town. They’re trash. And as a result, the street pimp is too.
In the books, Massimo makes a point of giving Laura a makeover. She is actually beautiful with the right styling and her confidence intact (derived from him). She is a prize, she is a good look for him.
He also wins status by winning Laura’s love AFTER brutalizing her. “See fellas, I don’t even need to be nice to her. I don’t have to give her an option. She’ll do as I say and thank me for it.”
That’s the sicko side of male status.
Walking Away from the Man with “It”
This potent mix of mutual status and cocaine-like dopamine highs can be near impossible to walk away from, even if it leaves bruises.
The 365 books are a good example of this and it shows what it takes for a girl to truly walk away from a guy like that.
1) It took Massimo killing her PUPPY to finally make Laura leave him, and
2) She had a different, less psycho (but still hot and mafia-affiliated) alpha male right there waiting to be Massimo’s replacement.
Would the books still have been as popular as they were if Laura decided to remain single and celibate for the rest of her life?
Maybe… but somehow I doubt it. Relationships like this are a zero sum game. And the one who ends up single, alone, and unwanted at the end is the one who lost.
What that says about female desire and our nature in general, I won’t say here. It’s so dark that I don’t think I’ll ever release the article about it I wrote one late night.
What I will say is that having “it”— that special quality that draws you to a person— is not, in itself, a red flag.
Just be careful with it. That warm glow you get from being in their company can turn on a dime.
And, real talk, the Dark Romance girlies might be best equipped to spot the danger signs early.
So read up, girls. Your life might depend on it.
I'm always... disappointed in women's choices of this sort of literature, movies, whatever, and even more so in their real-life situations that mirror this. This is a perfect example of why women have such a hard time making progress. In many ways, women are their own worst enemies.
1) I don’t know a single woman who has even a vaguely positive opinion of Andrew Tate. The woman he is around are paid to be there or trafficked.
2) Everyone makes fun of that 365 movie, calling it ridiculous. You’re really using some poor examples to make your point.