Don't be a Delusional Female

It WILL put you in danger

Some genres exist to indulge your fantasies. Others exist to shatter them. It's no secret romance books exist to indulge female fantasies of near-perfect men who are obsessed with the entirely average woman protagonist. Part of her appeal to the reader is that she IS plain. An FMC who tells you, "I'm nothing special" is almost a requirement in these types of books. They can be fun to read and I won't criticize them. But shifting over to thrillers will often make it harder to suspend disbelief. Because thrillers shine a light on human nature and the male-female dynamic.

In 2007, Criminal Minds aired the episode "LUCKY," which I am convinced would never be permitted to air today. It smacks women in the face with the reality of sexual marketplace value and the difference between male and female emphasis on looks. It also shows the terrible danger of imagining men think like women. If you never watched the show, Garcia is the profiler team's resident hacker. She is vivacious, intelligent, and funny. She is also plus size, average-looking, and eccentric. Bright colors, wild hairdos, childish/weeb accessories. Basically not someone who would be on any Alpha Male's must-have list.

On her morning coffee run, Garcia sees a man struggling to make his laptop work. She comes over to help, making quick work of his problem. He is awed by her intelligence and shyly introduces himself, then asks her to lunch. The dude is a granite-jawed dime piece. This man has his pick of women. He is the top 1% that the entire population of single women is fighting to gain favor from. And he's asking HER on a date? It hits wrong. And she knows it.

When she arrives at work, she explains to Morgan (played by Shemar Moore) that the man's looks and his behavior didn't fit. "I am not the girl men see across the smoky bar and write songs about." Morgan, wise man that he is, advises to trust her gut. Walk the other way if he seems too smooth or too smoking hot. And at first, she does. She turns the hottie down for a date when he calls her later that day.

But then... the ego took over. Or the feminist brainwashing, whatever you want to call it. She tells Morgan about blowing the hottie off. He praises her for the decision, saying it was a good call and something was off about the guy. Garcia is offended. Why is something off? Because he's too handsome? "Maybe someone more perceptive and less judgmental sees something in me you don't."

It should be noted that Morgan is ALSO a hottie and Garcia is likely smarting from being in his friend zone. So she calls the hottie back and accepts the date. They have a lovely time. Garcia is on cloud nine.

After they have dinner, the hottie walks her back to her house. She leans in for kiss, but he lays a swerve on her and gives her a hug. He's still smiling and looks pleased, so Garcia is confused, but accepts it as he turns to leave.

Then he shoots her in the chest.

We find out later that he targeted her, stalked her, and intended to kill her. Of course Garcia survives, and at the end, she meets a fellow hacker—a nice, average-looking fellow who displays interest in Garcia and they later go on to start a relationship. Happy endings.

But it never would have happened if she had listened to her gut instead of her societal programming. We ALL know that looks are pretty much all that matter to men in mate selection. Truly beautiful women will get with average or below-average-looking guys if they're funny or charming, or, yes, rich.

Men will not.

If the man is good looking, so too will his partner be. Always. There are consequences if you labor under the delusion that real men are anything like your romance-book hero. It can literally destroy your life, and maybe your family's too.

Last year, YouTuber Think Before You Sleep put out a video on a woman who fell for a catfisher. Lots of people get catfished, but this woman sent money her husband earned to a guy she thought loved her. A guy using fake pictures of a certified hottie. And look at her. Girl, you actually thought... never mind.

With the toxic male-female discourse permeating every aspect of our communication, it can be tempting to retreat into fictional, idealized men. We all have our book boyfriends, don't we? Just don't let fiction replace reality in your thinking process.

Men are not women. They don't think like us. They don't select sex partners or long-term partners the same way we do.

Making decisions based on how you think men SHOULD be is a recipe for heartbreak at best and ending up like Garcia at worst.